when was I last wrong?
Its impossible to not think about all that I can think of.
But I can think about nothing.
I can stop thinking.
I can stop.
I can.
I don’t.
Why not?
Should I be thinking about that as well?
The more you know, the more you know about how less you know.
Why is getting humbled so important to keep a human being sane?
I live through life, and I keep asking myself, “When was the last time I was wrong?”.
If I can’t answer it fast enough, then I know I am drifting away. I know I am entering the self-dug pit. The way I am, it needs a lot of conscious effort to stay the way I need to.
When you can’t remember when was the last time you were wrong, you are in serious trouble. Please make an effort to be wrong. Make an effort to recognise and be open to the fact that you can be wrong. Make an effort to remember all the times you have been wrong.
You are on the right track as long as you are doubtful. If the track has become safe and predictable, then you need to panic. You are on your way to death.
Death has nothing to do with the heartbeat. It has everything to do with the heart. The heart as we define as the centre of self. not the clinical heart.
You are dying, when you are not experiencing, all the emotions.
If you are always worried, anxious, upset etc, you are dead.
If you are always happy, positive etc, again you are dead.
The latter seems hard to believe, we have been taught to recognise it as a good trait.
But, sorrow & pain are very important. They keep us alive. They provide a yardstick for all the happiness our conscious self craves for.
LIVE. Be ALIVE.
When you are reading, its your conscious self reading and comprehending. The subconscious cannot be directly reached through text.
Consciously, we need to be positive, happy & good. Hence, all conventional education disperses good thoughts.
Bad thoughts are necessary as well, but they are indirect consequences. They don’t have to be taught.
Our ancestors have struck the right balance. Humanity’s survival thrives on the battle between the good and the bad. It doesn’t thrive on the good. It thrives on the battle between good & evil. Take the evil out (as if you can - its inconcievable) and humanity is over.
And yes, its true. But if you are reading this, its your conscious self, and your conscious self is not supposed to be aware of this. And your subconscious already knows what it should know.
So I am not really supposed to be writing anything here.
What is the writing serving? Its helping me?
Do I need help?
I need unhelp. If I can get that. But first I need to define what I mean by “unhelp”. And I will proudly assert that I am unable to define it.
I derive a lot of satisfaction in stating I dont know, and there’s no way I can know; in short - I cannot know.
I love saying that. Coz there are very few things I can talk about that way.
Most things can be rationally classified as “knowable”. I don’t know many things. But I can know if I really really want to. But there is one thing (which is everything) which just cannot be known. I love that the most. I hate that the most. I that.
I that ( Subject + Object). There is an incomplete predicate in this sentence. There is no verb. I am not stating any relation between “I” & “that”, no verb.
“I that”.
This is the closest I can come to express how I feel as of now. This is a glimpse of reality.
Reality knows no logic. Hence its interpretations are logicless.
I worship logic, yet I that.
I dont know how. But I dont care.
I just that.
And life suddenly changes:
its no longer a long winding road with my past behind me and the future up ahead of me, with those high mountains and trees and birds and great sights all along it.
Its only Me.
Now. word by word, alphabet by alphabet, I am taking birth, living my life and dying.
Did you know me?
Will you know me?
Do you know me?
Do you have any memories of tomorrow?
